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My Second Epic-Failure

Nisa Permatasari 1 April 2011
You know there are always that moments in life that mark everything you’ve believed in life, either in a good way or bad way; like that moment when you first enter college, first day of your first job, last day of your first job, moments like those. I’ve recently had this kind of moment, only unfortunately, not in a good way. I’ve been in Kalimantan, teaching, for 5 months now. And good Lord reminded me that I’m still lost so far. I put my students on a science competition around a month ago. Nine of them. This was also my first time ever trying to teach science to anyone. I’ve never been good in the subject. But since I was the one having the initiative, so I took it as my responsibility. My students was pretty excited. We didn’t always know the answers while we were doing lesson exercise. Hell, I didn’t always know. But we tried. At least my students got to learn how to search on Google and Wikipedia. Man, I suck at science. But I think they had fun studying. We went for the competition. It turned out none of my 9 students pass to the next level. And that was my mark. None out of 9. Not even one. I know maybe I shouldn’t take it so hard, but I can’t help it. Why if everyone can do it, why can’t I? Where did I go wrong? Or rather, have I been doing this right? And I always thought I’m a good teacher you know. The frustration was overwhelming. I need help. Thanks to Mr. Positive to have spelled that one out for me. I’ve been doing everything alone at school. Part of it because I’m not sure of the things I should share with other teachers. It could be the trust issue. As comfortable as I am working exclusively, it’s time for me to realize that I’m lost. I do need to use the source around me in the best manner possible. If I thought I was the best thing available, if I thought I’m the only one to lay opportunities for my students, and when that’s not even good enough, I need to go for the next best-thing. That is, asking for help. So I talked to Kepala Sekolah.

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